Humorous Groom Speech

Word Count: 1152

THANKS MIKE. (I hope that, as Staceys’s husband, I can live up to the image he painted of me or, failing that, at least continue to keep pulling the wool over his eyes!!).

Before I start my speech, I’d just LIKE TO POINT OUT AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE. And it’s not booking our wedding during a major golf tournament that only happens every four years!!

34 years ago today Mike was in exactly the same position I’m in now – well very similar. He was actually getting married himself.

So I’d just like to wish VIV and MIKE a very HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY and present them with this.

GIFT.

(LADIES and GENTLEMEN, you are now about to witness quite a unique event.) This is probably the first and last time that Stacey is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us in public. It is a privilege and an honour to do so.

It’s also my job to do all the thankyous, so the FIRST and BIGGEST THANKYOU is to all of you. Thank you all for choosing to share today with us. We are delighted and touched to see so many of you here. (Viv and Mike are probably slightly less delighted that all of you made the effort to come. That’s because they very kindly agreed to pay for this fantastic meal we’ve just eaten and I’m sure never imagined every single one of you would turn up!).

And thanks, of course to everyone for all the wonderful gifts.

UNFORTUNATELY it is not possible for everyone to be here who we would have liked to have with us on a day like today. As some of you will know, I’m thinking particularly of Stacey’s late grandmother, Rosie, and two of my late grandparents, who have been much in our thoughts today. So with them in mind, would you all please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to absent friends.

Ladies and gentlemen – to ¡§Absent Friends.¡¨

STACEY (LOVELY BRIDE)

My SECOND BIG THANKYOU is obviously to my LOVELY BRIDE Stacey – She can’t help being lovely, but she could help being my bride, so I’m really glad she decided to do me the honour of marrying me.

I’d also like to point out how fantastic she looks in her wedding dress. (She asked me to say that, but she really needn’t have bothered – Stacey always dresses to kill. Sometimes she cooks like that too!!)

They say you don’t marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without and with Stacey this is very true. This wedding would quite literally not be taking place without her. She is almost single-handedly responsible for organising the entire day!

So I’d just like to say thanks again Stacey, you’ve made me a very happy man today. But, most of all, I’m just so, so proud to be able to call you Mrs. Sproates – I’m going to tell everyone we meet. GIFT.

Now onto the bit that all those involved in our wedding preparations have been looking forward to – I need to say a few more individual thankyou’s and more importantly give out the rest of the presents!

VIV & MIKE

Firstly, I’d personally like to thank Viv and Mike for making me feel so welcome right from the very first time I met them and also of course for allowing me to marry their only daughter (and letting me take her to Spain with me). I feel very fortunate to have married into your family and I hope our marriage will be as long and happy as yours is.

Thanks again for the superb food we’ve all enjoyed and everything else you’ve done for us. GIFT.

MY PARENTS

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my parents for my upbringing and the sacrifices they have made for me. (I would like to thank them both for the advice they have given me, for putting up with me and for pointing me in the right direction¡Kusually only to watch me go off and do exactly the opposite.)

ƒÙIN particular, I’d like to thank my Father for making the very popular decision of supplying all the wine. GIFT.

ƒÙAND my Mum and Colin for all their recent help and for immortalising us on the wedding invitations. GIFT.

BEST MAN (DAVE)

There were a few raised eyebrows when I told people I’d picked Dave to be my best man. He’s not someone that is usually renowned for his great timekeeping skills, but he has really done us proud today and risen to the occasion – something that I’m told is a bit of a novelty these days!

The one thing I knew I could rely on Dave for was a great stag do and he didn’t disappoint me there. I can safely say that those three days in Budapest will haunt my dreams for years to come.

But seriously, thanks for all your help and advice in the last few weeks Dave and for taking on all the best man duties. GIFT.

(For some strange reason, custom says that the Groom has to present his defence before he’s had the opportunity of hearing the Best Man making the case for the prosecution. I have no idea what stories he is planning on telling you about me, and frankly I’m a bit concerned. Because my character is so unblemished he might have to resort to making things up. So please at least pretend to listen politely and take what he says with a pinch of salt.)

USHERS (STEPHEN, SETH, DAN & DARREN)

Thanks to all the ushers: Stephen, Seth, Dan & Darren. For helping out today and for looking like ushers!

Special thanks to Darren for his reading and for making our wedding cake. GIFTS.

SALLY

A really big thankyou to my auntie Sally for creating these fantastic bridesmaids dresses (and the pageboys waistcoats!). A tremendous amount of work must have gone into making them. GIFT.

TARBY & LYNDSEY

Thanks for making my wife look so perfect! Lyndsey for doing Stacey’s hair and Tarby for the make-up. GIFTS.

PETER

Thank you for filming this for posterity – it must ruin your chance of enjoying the meal, but it’s very much appreciated. GIFT.

BRIDESMAIDS

Last, but by no means least, I’d like to thank our three bridesmaids: Naomi, Donna & Kirsty. Don’t they look lovely?

The girls also did a very special job for me today ¡V staying close to Stacey to make sure she couldn’t run away at the last moment. I didn’t really expect her to, but when you’ve found somebody very special you don’t want to take any chances. So thank you all for your assistance. GIFT. Also give Michael his GIFT.

So please could you join me in one last toast to the bridesmaids.

Ladies and Gentlemen – to The Bridesmaids!

Here’s to a wonderful evening! I’ll let my best man take over now.

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