Humorous and Casual Wedding Speech by the Groom

Word Count: 651

Thanks guys, they say marriage is an institution and therefore, it
seems proper that I am about to be married since some of you have been
saying I should have been institutionalised for years.

Some of you may be concerned as to whether I am actually prepared
marriage, but I want to assure you that I am fully aware of the
changes that marriage will bring and to this end I have prepared a
small list.

I tried to think of
practical applications for such things as an eight-foot pair of
plastic breasts, an elephant’s trunk thong and an inflatable sheep.

It seems ironic that many of the humorous gifts associated with
getting married would be hours of fun for a bachelor. Still….(check
watch, look at one of the presents if appropriate and then back at
your watch)….there is time.

Ahem, I put on my best underwear this morning, just in case you had me
tied up and whipped by a stripper, but it looks like so far (SUITABLE
PERSON) has managed to keep their clothes on. So, I’m not the only
one achieving a first today Eh?

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