Word Count: 2029
Ladies and Gentlemen: I would like to thank Susan for those sincere words and both Scott and Susan for the love that they have both shown me, not only in preparation for today, but from the first moment that we met some five and a half years ago.
I don’t know who was more surprised that first night when Amy brought me home without warning, when they were sitting there all ready for bed in their satin bath robes and Susan in his Snoopy slippers.
Anyway, quickly moving on, I did have a speech all worked out for this occasion, but, of course, now that I’m a married man, Amy has insisted that I read from the one that she has written for me.
So here goes:
On behalf of my wife and I…I suppose I’m going to have to get used to that, I would like to start by thanking everyone here today for sharing our very special day with us. Thank-you for all the wonderful gifts and cards that you have given us, we are very touched at your generosity. I’m certainly looking forward to seeing how Susan has managed to gift-wrap the Wheelbarrow!
We have both been very nervous about today and it means a great deal to us that you are sharing our day with us, and we hope that you are enjoying the occasion every bit as much as we are.
Most people on their wedding day describe it as the happiest day of their lives. That worries me because it implies that as from tomorrow there’s a lifelong decline ahead, so I’m making the most of today. However, I’m so happy today that even days less happy would still be blissful.
I would like to say a special thank-you to those of you that have travelled some distance to be here today. It is quite a humbling experience to realise that you have friends and family that care so much for you. And I do genuinely mean that.
Scott & Susan
Scott & Susan I would like to thank you so much everything you have done and for welcoming me so openly into your family.
I feel very proud to be able to say that I am your son-in-law and will always do my best to live up to your expectations and promise to take care of Amy…and of course do everything she tells me to do…
…now I’m not saying she’s bossy…but I know my place!
The whole day and everything else you have given us has been so overwhelming. We never expected all of this and you have both made us feel very special. I’m sure everyone will agree what a fantastic day it has been so far – even the weather has been on our side.
And, most importantly for giving me your blessing to marry your beautiful daughter. I hope that you don’t feel that you’ve lost a daughter, but have gained another mouth to feed and someone to clean up after.
By the way Susan, I have not forgotten. I’ll sign the receipt for you. Susan has written out a receipt for me. It says:
Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed, fully warranteed. Comes complete with extras. Keep topped up with expensive jewellery, and lubricate well with fine wines. Service regularly…oh no sorry I missed a bit…service regularly with lavish trips to exotic and far away places…you really must make your writing more clear!
Warning: has a tenDadcy to get irritable if doesn’t have the final say on EVERYTHING.
Care notes: gets bored easily, keep busy with a constant supply of chores.
Not to be outdone though my Mom has written out a receipt for Amy. It reads:
Received one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances. We’ve re-decorated the room and changed the locks, so you’re stuck with him.
Warning: the slight discolouration is dirt, which may come off with vigorous scrubbing.
Care notes: de-hydrates easily, top up regularly with red wine.
Mom & Dad
I also want to say a special thank-you to my Mom & Dad.
Mom you have been there for me constantly. To have brought Mark, Richard and myself up on your own as you did in our younger days, with so much love, care and guidance has made you not only an amazing person but also my best friend. I am very fortunate and proud to have you as my Mom. During my teenage years, Dad you gave my Mom everything she deserved and became an amazing father figure.
I would like to thank you both for the advice you have given me, for putting up with me and for pointing me in the right direction…usually only to watch me go off and do exactly the opposite, of course…but that’s what sons are for and do best.
And for welcoming Amy into the family with open arms and for supporting her as much as you do. Mom, don’t worry I will still come round to see you…and at the same time get you to cook a meal, wash my laundry, and generally leave a mess behind…so nothing really changes!
Mom, Dad, Scott & Susan you have been a huge help with the house. I am not sure we could have done it without you. Richard & Suzy you know that we owe you so much for the support and help when we moved in. I just hope that in the happiness of our marriage we can repay some of what you have done for us.
It is at this point that I would like to give some flowers to both our Moms, for being two very inspirational figures in Amy & my life. And may I just add that you both look beautiful today.
As some of you know there is an age gap between Amy and I…although as a gentleman I will not tell you exactly how much younger I am. For our first official date…I say the first official date as we are not counting the midnight Chinese restaurant in Soho where we drank wine from a teapot with Tony & Carol. We would have counted it but none of us can remember any more than that…and Amy has asked me not to mention the fact that I invited eleven people into our hotel room the next morning to say hello. So without telling you any of that…our first official date was to a lovely restaurant in Essex where I spent two and a half hours on the phone to another woman. Guys…you’ve either got it or you haven’t…ouch…no seriously I thought that I would put the relationship to the test and all I can say is that she came through with top marks. I came through it with marks as well but that’s another story
Amy you have stood by me through a lot of decisions since we got together. You agreed to make me the happiest man in the world today and have a natural way that makes every day a joy to be with you.
I know that I told you earlier but I want everyone to know how beautiful you look today. Your dress is stunning and you really do look like a little princess. You really have made me the happiest and proudest man alive today by saying ‘I will’ and I can’t wait to tell everyone that you are now Mrs Lord, at every opportunity. I don’t have to hope that our future together will be a happy one…I know it will be, because every day I wake to find that I love Amy twice as much as the day before. As Amy will tell you – I’m often wrong, but in marrying Amy, I know I’ve made the right decision. Thank-you, darling.
I want to say a thank-you to Tim & Dave for agreeing to be our Ushers and in doing such a great job for us today. You have taken a lot of the worry out of the jobs that needed doing and have done everything that we need.
The Best Man
I am going to struggle to put this next part of my speech into words. There is someone else in this room that I love as dearly as my wife…and that is Michael. Mike, Daddy is so proud of you and loves you so much. I cannot thank-you enough for agreeing to be one of my two Best Men today. You have given me so much joy and happiness and I want to reassure you that both Amy and I will be there for you whenever you need us.
I remember the day that Daddy took you to school and asked you whether you would mind if Daddy asked Amy to marry him. You told me that it would be ‘Really Cool’ and gave me a big hug. Well…it might have only been a few hours but I agree…it is ‘really cool’.
It is an amazing feeling knowing how well you and Amy get on and I know how much you both love each other. I too love you with all my heart and both Amy and I will try and give you the same support and guidance that we have had from our families. You are always going to be special in my eyes and that will never change.
And if Uncle Susan has given you any story’s to tell about you Dad then you’d better forget them quick.
Oh dear…that brings me onto the other best man. Well…the best I could get at short notice. Thirty years of pain and misery he has caused me. He handed me a whole script of nice wonderful comments that I should tell you about him. Unfortunately, all this did was reinstate my belief of the fact that he is a compulsive liar and anything that he tells you should not be believed for one moment.
I will confirm that he was in a different reform school to that of myself… so he knows nothing of the truth that went on in my childhood.
He was only on day release during our teens and was back under lock and key before dusk…so he knows nothing of my underage drinking habits. Oops sorry Mom!
The Scrubs have been his home for the last fifteen years following the discovery that he is an absolute wiz at being able to forge photographic eviDadce. He would never have been found out had it not been for the fact that someone spotted his head on the new £20 notes instead of the Queen.
Well hopefully that leave you with nothing left to say…if not I’m sorry Mom, Dad, Scott, Susan, Michael and Amy can you leave the room now.
Seriously, both Michael and Susan, I could not think of anyone I would rather be Best Man (Men) for my wedding…no seriously I couldn’t…I tried…but they were all booked.
You are have both affected my life in such positive ways and for that I am hugely in you debt.
Amy & I would like to show our appreciation for everything you have done today and in the build up to the wedding and have a small gift for you both.
Now before I finish and ask you to join me in a toast, I believe that my lovely wife would like to gatecrash these speeches and say a few words.
I would like to bring my speech towards a close by saying a very special thank-you to Melissa & Cindy, our lovely bridesmaids.
I am sure you will all agree on how beautiful they look and I will always treasure the picture in my mind of you both entering the room with Amy and walking down the aisle. Both Amy & I would like you to know that your earrings and necklaces are a token of our appreciation for everything you have done today.
On that note, I would like to propose a toast to the bridesmaids so would you all be upstanding and raise your glasses and join us as we toast!