Word Count: 172
Good Evening Lady’s and Gents! For those of you who don’t know me, I’m John, Scott’s little brother. I’m not usually a man of many words, so in conclusion, Scott, you have always been a good brother and a great friend. And when you couldn’t be a good example, you were at least a horrible warning. I don’t think you could ask for a better bride. And I’m pretty sure that if you did, Melissa would kill you.
And Melissa, It is truly an honor and a privilege to welcome you into the family. You are a woman of many fine qualities; excessive beauty, intelligence, and charm, which should help make up for Scott.
Finally, if I may leave you with a bit of advice: Scott, help out with the housework. As far as I’ve been able to tell, no husband has ever been shot by his wife while he was doing the dishes.
To Scott and Melissa, may the best day of your past be the worst day of your future!