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Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I’d like to thank the groom for his kind words, and I have to say they have done an excellent job today and look absolutely wonderful.
I am very proud that I was chosen to be the best man today. It’s often said at weddings that being asked to be the best man is like being asked to kiss the Queen. Its a great honor but nobody wants to do it.
I have a large library of stories to tell you that will leave the groom embarrassed and humiliated, but out of respect for him on his big day I have decided not to tell them. So I’m not going to tell you about the time he vomited over a taxi driver’s head or ended up in hospital on his stag do.
“From all of us at Madame Thrashards Spanking Emporium, we hope you have a great day.”
Here’s another one: “I can’t help thinking about what could have been. Loving you always. Tarquin.”
Moing swiftly on. Could you all please stand now and join me in a toast. To the bride and groom’s parents for this special day. Thank you. While you are all still standing, I’d like to say that it really has been an honor and a pleasure being best man, but today I am the best man in name only. It’s the bride and broom’s day and I’d like to wish them all the very best for this new chapter in their lives. Please join me in a toast. To the bride and groom.