Ladies and gentlemen, for those who don’t know me, I’m Dave, the best man. I’ve known Tom since we were five, which means I have about 25 years of embarrassing stories to share. But don’t worry, Tom – I’ve been given a strict two-minute time limit, so I’ll have to save most of those for the reception.
Now, I could stand here and tell you all about what a great guy Tom is, how he’s always been there for me, and how he’s going to make an amazing husband. But let’s be honest – we all know the real hero here is Sarah. She’s the one who managed to house-train Tom and convinced him that axe body spray is not a substitute for showering.
Tom, I have to say, watching you grow from the kid who once superglued his hand to his forehead on a dare, to the man standing here today has been… well, surprising. Sarah, I hope you know what you’re getting into. This is a man who still occasionally needs reminding that socks go IN the laundry basket, not next to it.
But in all seriousness, Tom, you’re my best friend. You’ve been there through thick and thin, through my “I think I can pull off a man bun” phase (spoiler alert: I couldn’t), and that time I tried to impress a girl by learning parkour. By the way, I’d like to apologize again to your parents for the broken coffee table.
Sarah, you’re not just gaining a husband today, you’re gaining a 30-year-old child who can quote every line from “The Princess Bride.” But you’re also getting one of the most loyal, kind-hearted, and genuine guys I know. Just… maybe don’t let him cook unsupervised.
So, let’s raise our glasses to Tom and Sarah! May your love be as endless as Tom’s collection of novelty t-shirts, and may your life together be filled with as much laughter as that time Tom tried to do his own taxes.
To the happy couple!