Good evening, everyone! For those who don’t know me, I’m Tom, Jack’s younger and, let’s face it, far more handsome brother.
First off, I’d like to thank Jack for asking me to be his best man. I know it wasn’t an easy decision – mainly because he had to choose between me and his Xbox. But here I am, so I guess miracles do happen!
Now, I’ve known Jack his entire life – well, except for those first 18 months when I wasn’t born yet. But I’m pretty sure those were his most boring months anyway.
Growing up with Jack was… an experience. He taught me so many valuable life lessons. For instance, he taught me that if you eat an entire jar of pickles, you will get sick. He taught me that superglue and eyebrows don’t mix. And he taught me that no matter how convincing your argument, Mom will never believe that your little brother is an alien that needs to be sent back to his home planet.
But in all seriousness, Jack has always been there for me. Whether it was defending me from bullies at school or bailing me out of jail that one time… wait, Mom and Dad don’t know about that. Forget I said anything!
Jack, you’ve been my hero, my tormentor, and my best friend. And Sarah, you’re not just gaining a husband today – you’re gaining a whole package deal of bad jokes, questionable dance moves, and a vast collection of superhero t-shirts.
Sarah, I’ve got to hand it to you. You’ve managed to do what none of us thought was possible – you’ve domesticated Jack. When you first started dating, we all thought it was a phase. But here we are, five years later, and he’s traded in his beer for kombucha, his video games for farmers’ markets, and his bachelor pad for… well, a slightly cleaner bachelor pad.
In all seriousness, though, Sarah, you bring out the best in my brother. You challenge him, support him, and most importantly, you laugh at his jokes – even the really, really bad ones. For that alone, you deserve sainthood.
To my new sister-in-law, I’d like to offer some advice on handling a Stevenson man:
- Always keep the fridge stocked with snacks.
- Learn to appreciate the art of dad jokes – you’ll be hearing a lot of them.
- Accept that sports are not just a hobby, but a religion.
- And finally, remember that beneath all the goofiness is a heart of gold.
Jack and Sarah, as you embark on this new chapter of your lives, remember that marriage is about partnership. It’s about supporting each other’s dreams, sharing each other’s burdens, and occasionally pretending to listen while the other one talks about their day.
So let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple. May your love be modern enough to survive the changing times, but old-fashioned enough to last forever. To Jack and Sarah!