Humorous Groom’s Sister Speech
555 Words
Good evening, everyone! For those who don’t know me, I’m Lily, Josh’s little sister. And when I say little, I mean it – Josh never lets me forget that he’s a whole 11 minutes older than me. That’s right, we’re twins, which means I’ve had the unique pleasure of knowing our dear groom quite literally my entire life.
Growing up with Josh was… an adventure, to say the least. From the moment we could walk, we were partners in crime. There was the Great Cookie Jar Heist of ’95, where we built a wobbly tower of chairs to reach Mom’s secret stash. Josh was the mastermind, I was the lookout, and we both ended up with matching bumps on our heads and timeouts in separate corners.
As we got older, Josh took his role as “big brother” very seriously – all 11 minutes of seniority. He was always there to protect me, even when I didn’t need it. Like the time he tried to fight my first boyfriend… who turned out to be gay and is now one of my best friends. Good job, Josh!
But for all his overzealous protection, Josh has always been my biggest cheerleader. He was there front and center, embarrassingly loud, at every school play. He helped me move into my first apartment, assembling IKEA furniture with only minor injuries and major cursing. And when I decided to quit my job and travel the world for a year, he was the first one to say, “Go for it, sis!” (Though I suspect he was just excited about having my room for his man cave.)
Emma, I hope you know what you’re getting into. This man snores like a freight train, thinks puns are the height of comedy, and has an uncanny ability to burn water. But he also has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He’ll love you fiercely, support you unconditionally, and always know how to make you laugh – even if it’s just at his terrible dad jokes.
I’ve watched my brother grow from a mischievous kid into a wonderful man, and Emma, I truly believe you’ve played a big part in that. The way Josh lights up when he talks about you, the way he’s become more thoughtful and considerate (he actually remembers birthdays now!), it’s clear that you bring out the best in him.
To my new sister, Emma: Welcome to our crazy family! I’m so thrilled to finally have a sister. Just remember, I have a lifetime of embarrassing Josh stories, and I’m more than willing to share. Also, pro tip: he’s ticklish behind his left ear. Use that information wisely.
Josh, my dear brother, my partner in crime, my permanent “plus one” until today – I couldn’t be happier for you. You’ve found someone who not only puts up with your terrible singing in the shower but actually seems to enjoy it. That’s true love right there.
To the happy couple: May your love be as enduring as Josh’s collection of superhero t-shirts, as sweet as Emma’s patience when Josh tries to cook, and as strong as the bond between a brother and sister who once superglued their hands together trying to make Christmas ornaments.
Here’s to a lifetime of love, laughter, and maybe investing in some cooking classes. Josh and Emma, I love you both. Cheers!